To Trust or Not To Trust

Yesterday was the last session for my "Be Still" bible study. It was a great study and very personal. It brought face to face many of the things that get in the way and what we allow to get in the way of being still in the Lord. One of the main themes that really impacted me was about trust. I came to realize and admit that I only give certain things to God and keep some for myself. Instead of releasing all to the Lord I insist on holding on to those things I think I can handle or am afraid to let go. And I wonder why I stress about stuff. Duh! I keep holding myself back. I've been facing this ugly truth about myself for the last few months. It hasn't been fun and I've fought it a bit. I also realized that when I mistrust God, I sin. Intense.

I want to let go and trust, but do I really? I figured if I'm still holding on, its because I don't completely trust and don't really want to try. Fear creeps in and tells me if you let this one go you may not like where He takes you. If you hand this over it won't be pretty, it's going to hurt. My mind always goes negative. Instead of realizing that yes, it may be a difficult path but the end will be well worth it. My flesh and spirit are at odds and keeping me from a true meaningful walk with Jesus.

With all my thoughts of trust and my self debate and scolding of "You need to trust and let go of everything", I've gone a little mad (crazy). I finally thought I would have a break from this topic because the study was over but, No. Today in devotions a dear friend spoke about "Trusting God Like A Child." She spoke how a child/baby allows you to pick them up and carry them. They aren't worried that you might drop them. They feel completely secure in your grasp. It's an unquestionable trust. I figured out fast that God wasn't letting me off the hook. He is going to remind and pursue me until I completely give over all control. Thank you, God.

So, do I choose to continue to take one step forward and ten steps back on an uncertain road? Or do I want to move forward one step at a time knowing the destination brings me closer to God?  Do I want to trust or not trust? As obvious as the answer is, it's not the easiest to implement. I need to stop looking at God as someone like me, who is fallible, but as He really is, infallible. I want to live out Psalm 56:11a, "In God I put my trust, I shall not be afraid..." and Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge him and He will direct your path." I'm going to pray on these verses and grab onto the promise they hold.

When all is said and done, Trusting true perfection is never a mistake.