Praise You In This Storm

Life has been full of a few good, some stressful and others just plain crazy moments.  I have been so spent and worn down that I've felt that I've had nothing good to write about. I've had no inspiration. I couldn't think of anything. I just couldn't gather my thoughts and put pen to paper, so to speak. Ultimately, I had no desire to write. A grey cloud of doubt, fear, worry, anxiety and stress have followed me where I go. It penetrated all areas of life. I was searching for peace amongst the chaos, to no avail. I moved one way, the chaos followed.  I moved another way the grey cloud meet me there. Peace and rest were no where to be found. The mental drain affected my everyday activities. Everything just felt more overwhelming. I was extremely tried and restless. I was at my whit's end. 

I knew what I had to do, but I just didn't have the energy or will. I knew the hole of misery was deep when I stopped posting scripture. I know that sounds like a simple thing, but it really speaks to the station of my heart. I was so distanced from God that I wasn't even reading the daily bible verse. I knew I had to fight my way back, so I began with music. Music has always found a way to heal the soul.

So, I went on Spotify, a music app, and loaded Christian Radio. In the mornings before my students come in, I would have it playing in the background as I did my work. For a while it was just white noise, something to have on. It took some time before I could really appreciate the songs being sung. The message being told. Some talked about joy, others about comfort and others where cries out to God. Pleading, praying, hoping, waiting. Waiting, that's the hardest one to contend with. I wanted peace. I wanted all this chaos around to cease. I prayed. I hoped. I pleaded. The answer I received was, "Wait". I have been waiting so long for other requests that this was just too much! I'd cried my frustrations into my pillow.

The music therapy wasn't working out as I had hoped. I was ready to scratch the idea when a Casting Crown song started playing.

"I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away"

These words express exactly how my heart was feeling! I wasn't raising my hands in praise, but I knew I needed too. Then the chorus began:

"And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm"

My eyes began to water. My lips began to quiver. My throat clinched up. Even now as I read it again I tear up. These words of comfort where what I needed then and need now. I need to praise God through this storm. He hasn't left me. He stands beside me. It's a message I've hear a hundred times, I teach it to my students, but it's so easily forgotten when the storms hit and you're left with a shipwrecked heart. The circumstances of my life may look bleak but God is in control. He is doing his part and I need to do mine. I need to praise Him thorough all circumstances. The minute I recognized that and admitted my fault, things didn't seem so bleak. I made a choice to praise! My circumstances haven't changed but my outlook has. I am SO grateful to God for his Divine Intervention.

Lord, I choose to praise you in this storm!