Staying Acocuntable

As far as I can remember I have always struggled with my weight. When I was younger it became an issue of, I need to be pencil thin. I wanted to look like the magazines. I fortunately enjoyed eating too much that anorexia and bulimia didn't take hold of me. However my self-esteem took a beaten. I grow up telling myself that I was ugly and fat. That's why people don't like me. Why would anyone want to hang out with someone like me. Now all of this was going on the inside. Looking at me you couldn't tell that it was an issue. In high school my body began to change and it adjusted itself a bit but I was still not pencil thin. I would hear a voice in my head say if you where thinner you would be pretty.

I thank God for San Francisco Christian School. If I wasn't there I don't know the direction I would have taken. I learned so much about God. Along with other things, I learned about His love and acceptance of us. I am fearfully and wonderfully made.(Psalm 139:14) For most of high school I grew in the Lord and the constant thought about my weight was not in the forefront. That was until I got into college.

In college I wasn't playing sports anymore and those freshman 15, more like freshman 30, where hanging on. This was the first time in my life that I decided I was going to get healthy not thin. It was an amazing transformation mentally. No longer was I stressed over looking like Vogue girls but looking like what God wanted me too, healthy heart, mind and soul. I lost a lot of weight and felt good about myself. I wasn't a size 2 but I didn't care. I was healthy. Too bad it didn't stay that way.

After college comes marriage and a teaching job. The initial stress that comes from 1st year marriage/teaching combo was too much. I started to rely on food for comfort. When I'm sad, lonely, depressed, essentially when I had the blues I went to food. All the hard work disappeared and the pounds reappeared. At this moment in time I am the heaviest I have ever been. I can't believe that I let myself get to this point. I ended up going back to that little girl who would call herself ugly and not worth people's time. I had forgotten that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

For months now I have been fighting with myself about getting healthy not thin. I want to be able to climb a steep hill and feel like I'm not dying. I want to get back into my kitchen and cook instead of letting my laziness dictate fast food. My body is a temple of the Holy Spirit and I need to honor God with my body.(1 Corinthians 6:19-20)

So today I begin a 90 day program. I will post my progress and hope that this forum will keep me accountable. May this venture bring better habits, a good attitude, and bring me closer to my Creator as I honor Him with my body.